The book of condolence: from the funeral home table to the internet

At the entrance to many funeral homes there is a table with an open book. Those passing through leave a few lines: a name, a memory, a goodbye. That book is one of the few things from the funeral the family keeps.

What it is for

On the day, the family can barely attend to everyone who comes. The book holds what there's no time to say: who was there, what they felt, what memory of the person they carried away. Its true value arrives weeks later, when the house falls silent and rereading it brings back the warmth of that day.

What to write in one

• Your name and how you knew the person: “Bill, from his years at the factory.”
• A specific memory is worth gold: “He taught me the trade and stood up for me when I needed it most.”
• A simple farewell: “Thank you for everything. Rest in peace.”

The digital version

The online book of condolence keeps the essence and removes the limits:

• Those who couldn't come can write too: the friend who emigrated, the colleague who was unwell, the cousin at the other end of the country.
• There's no hurry. You can write that night, that week, or on that anniversary. The book never closes.
• It can't be lost. No damp, no house moves, no misplaced boxes: the words stay beside their story and their photos, for ever.
• The family moderates. Every message is reviewed before it's published, so the space stays as carefully kept as the table at the funeral home.

One piece of advice

If you go to the funeral and later find the online memorial, write in both. The paper one belongs to the day; the digital one to the long remembering. The family will be warmed by both.