How to write an obituary, step by step

Writing an obituary is daunting. It comes at a difficult time, in a hurry, with the fear of leaving out something important. The good news is that an obituary has a very clear structure, and following it helps everything fall into place.

The essential details

• Full name of the person who has died — and if they were known by a nickname, include it in quotation marks.
• Dates of birth and death. If you can't recall the exact day they were born, the year is enough.
• Places: where they were born and where they died.
• Family: spouse, children, grandchildren… you needn't name everyone, but do name those closest.
• The service: date, time and place of the funeral or farewell, if the family wishes to make it public.

The words of farewell

After the details comes the part that matters: saying who they were. Don't reach for solemn words; reach for true ones. What did they do for a living? What did they love? What will everyone who knew them always remember? Two or three honest paragraphs are worth more than a page of stock phrases.

“He was a carpenter, a father of four and a grandfather of nine. His workshop smelled of walnut wood, and there was always time for a cup of tea.”

A line that captures them

Many obituaries include a short phrase by way of epitaph: “She taught us to live with joy”, “Forever in our hearts”. Choose one that sounds like that person, not like any person.

Read it over before publishing

Read the obituary aloud and ask another family member to check it: mistakes in names and dates are the most common and the most painful. With an online obituary you have the advantage of being able to correct things afterwards — but better to get it right first time.